Nov 8, 2010

Lost in Translation

Over the years I have lost many friends - in translation. I believe it was to do with something I said or did or something I didn't say or do and hence the term "Lost in translation". They were once dear to me but all of a sudden disappeared without a trace or hint. It wasn't anything on my part, OR was it?

It could be that I meant to say something which came across as something else offending the very same people I was trying to please... May be I wasn't around when they were hurting or that we have different priorities altogether.

Once a dear friend emailed me a very generic message with just her first name and I had to make sure it was the right person, so I asked, "I know three Annies, which Annie are you?", never to hear back from her again. My repeated emails went in vain and I still feel bad about that. May be I should have rephrased my question somewhat differently, but not sure how...

Another long lost friend of mine reached out to me out of the blue that she was visiting Rutgers University to teach. I was overjoyed and wrote, "Wow! That's awesome Monika, I live in NJ, may be we can get together" and she disappeared once again without a word.

Joe once told me he will be my big brother always; but that was some 15 years ago - he was never part of anything in my life as a big brother would have been or even as a good friend.

Another friend had abruptly halted any and all communication with us, without any warning... To the best of my knowledge I couldn't figure out why, but I was very hurt. This past weekend we just stopped by to say hello and continued conversation from where we had left as if nothing had ever happend. It felt awesome!

One down, many to go... I am on a mission to find the friends lost in translation... Should I bother?!

17 comments:

A said...

Go on Facebook and find all your lost friends. I did....

SG said...

Since you know Tamil, i will say this: I am sure you have heard about rayil snehidham. I may be wrong. But I think this is what it is. People are friends with you when they travel with you from station A to station B.

Just curious. How many who comment in your blog will keep in touch with you (if) after you decide to stop blogging.

bhawna said...

Move ahead and make new friends at every station of life so that when old friends move away, you always have new ones to fill in the void.

raji said...

Hey hephzibah ..that's your name right?what i feel is that friendship have no barrier of 'words';so forget the 'guilt feeling'and move on.I have few friends who know what exactly i mean ,when I say something ;when you know your intentions were right ,then please donot bother.But we do feel the way you wrote in the post at times..

Bikramjit said...

Yes yes yes u should bother for sure. I know what you feel recently felt this myself too but i people change they are not wat we think they are. Or maybe u are like me old school where friendships were made for life not just for christmas.
I feel saad when this happens they should atleaat tell what wrong have i done is that not what friends do.
I hope you get to patch up wit yours all the best

Mangala said...

Nice post and situations sound familiar. I have had several "friends" who have disappeared without a trace and then resurfaced years later but that bond was no longer there. Only true friends will remain with you throughout, no matter what you say or do. So move on in life. I am sure u will meet many new people and make great friends too in the future.

....Petty Witter said...

Obviously a sensitive soul. Like yourself I have lost several good friends over the years and found myself questioning if they really were such good friends after all. Then again, I have several friends who I didn't think of as particularly good friends until something happened and they were there 100% for me.

As for getting in touch with these lost friends - it's a risk you are either prepared to take or not. Lovely if they reply, wonderful if old friendships are rekindled BUT are you prepared for the hurt that you may feel if you get no reply? Oh, here's me wittering on, I'm sure you'll have thought of all these things yourself - good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Balachandran V said...

One way to alleviate your hurt is to remember the new friends you have! That there is no contractual obligation is one drawback of friendships...

Btw, did this post have anything to do with mine, 'Brooding over Blogs'? Similar thoughts...

NRIGirl said...

I am so pleased with all the feedback.

@A! I found one in FB who hardly "connected" Many don't exisit in FB.

@SG! Good point. I have made some real friends in the blogging world; I believe some will stay friends even outside of blogs - which includes you too.

@Bhawna! Yes, I do try and am much blessed.

@Raji! Thank you for those words; it makes me feel little better

@Bikramjit! You are right, if we know the reason for the "breakup" it will help heal better

@Mangala! Welcome to my blog and thank you for the comments. I do make new friends but still feel bad about the ones lost.

@Petty! That is the one fear that keeps me at bay. I don't think any of them would come back hugging, because if they cared they would have found me already...

@Blachandran V - Glad you could stop by. Thank you! No, I haven't read that one yet; will do. Great people think alike :) !!

A said...

NRIGirl,

I know you are sensitive and this is a sensitive post. But in all honesty, there is no way you can find all your friends at once. It took you (or them) years to LOSE them....it will take sometime to get connected.

Here is my suggestion...people you connected back..stay connected....and keep looking. If someone stops communication, you can continue anyway.

By the way don't forget my last name.....:)))

Black Walnut Pearl said...

Whatever happens, how come we are still sticking to each other? :) May be you should introduce your kids to them.

sm said...

nice post
i think happens with every one
hope u find near and dear , lost in translation ones - living happily.

NRIGirl said...

Because we are family @Black Walnut Pearl! :)

Some of these "lost" friends don't even know I have kids... that's how far back in time they go...

@A! You got to tell me...

@SM thank you for stopping by; indeed that' my wish for them all.

dr.antony said...

I have noticed that earlier friendships stay.I still have friends from my college days.Newer friends appear to keep casual relationships.

NRIGirl said...

@Doc! I haven't been able to generalize it that way... I guess it is something like when we grab a handful of sand some spill through the gaps and only a part remains...

Emily, Ruby Slipper Traveller said...

I think it's always best to try... sometimes it turns out that nothing was the matter, things just drifted in different ways. But I too have lost friends and miss them, and some of them I just feel inexplicably angry with..

KParthasarathi said...

You are not alone.For every friend who vanishes without a reason,I get two new friends.But instead of being elated ,I keep thinking of those who left and try to find out what I did to merit such abrupt severing.As SG put it,blogging can be compared to rail journey.But I have been fortunate to get some admirable friends like Hephzibah!!!

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