Jan 11, 2013

Lordy Lordy Look who is Forty!

Almost there. This is the year.

I can vividly remember August 10th 2003. It was a Sunday. I was upset over turning 30. I thought it was an ugly number to begin with. Feared my life of fun was over. From then on, I had reasoned, I would only become ugly, unlikable and life would soon be over... It was suffocating. Worst of all my parents forgot to call and wish me!

After Church I called them - crying. Papa said, "We were just talking about you, looking at the clock waiting for you to return from Church so we could call. Happy Birthday Queenie makka*...". When they heard I was upset about the number 30, at first they laughed and then went on to explain what a beautiful number it was and how blessed I was to be turning 30.

Though I wasn't fully convinced I took it on me to be 30, one day at a time. Before long the year was over; I realized it wasn't bad after all. Rest of the years went by without further ado. Fast forward to now, here I am excited to be on the verge of the 30's series, looking forward to my 40's!

A lot has changed in me in the last decade. The child in me gave way to a more beautiful woman. Each day has been a refining process leading to clear thoughts, clearer conscience, increased confidence and more contentment.

I have forgiven people, forgotten their offenses and moved on. This happened almost overnight. Could a simple prayer do all that wonder?! All those arguments going back and forth in my mind about things of past were completely erased. Poof! Vanished!

At first I had tried to fight it back."Bring at once my Book of Records of all wrongs ever committed against Me the Great", ordered part of me. The HUGE cart holding the book was rolled in, the seal was broken, the book was opened. The pages were blank!

"Oh no! this can't be! Don't let go, don't cave in, don't forgive, no not them, not their words; now take a breather, recall everything, every little bits of it, put it back,  the records, the proof, proof of when you were right and they were wrong, proof of when you were right no matter what, everything, build your case bit by bit, nice and strong; easy, now seal it up, roll it safe!" the rest of me demanded.

But it was over. Done. Dealt with. Forgiven, myself including. The book had shrunk, disappeared, gone,  out of sight, never to be seen or heard of again since then. It is no more. It hurts no more. Surprising but true; my heart has healed!

I believe 40's will be more refining, making me, molding me, breaking me, fixing me, searching me, trying me, tuning me and turning out more rewarding.

I could spend it all up in one sitting; instead I have decided to take it slow - one day at a time.

So, here we go 2013! Bring it on!

* makka means child in colloquial Tamil

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