Mar 18, 2012

Laying it down

I am crying. Not because of any matter big or small you would imagine; but because I lay it all down at the altar this morning.

Visiting friends over the weekend we attended Church with them this morning. The sermon was titled "Laying it all down" which went on to explain how Jesus Christ lay it all down for the human race, for me in particular!

The pastor sang a beautiful song I had never heard before, "He paid a debt He did not owe; I owed a debt I could not pay..." In the end of the sermon there was an altar call for 'laying it all down'. The Pastor asked, "He lay it all down for you! What are you willing to lie down today?" I chose to lie down my dreams and that's what I am crying about.

In my mind whatever dreams big or small, the ones that have been fulfilled, partly fulfilled and yet to be fulfilled, and even those that might never be fulfilled have all been lain down - to rest forever. This makes me weepy.

What are these dreams, anything big, you might wonder. It is my all - big and small. It even includes my long lasting dream to take a family picture in blue jeans and white shirts. One might find it silly as to why it has to be a dream and why not just get clicked. The fact of the matter is that a dream is just a dream until one acts on it and in our 13 years of home making we haven't acted on making this dream a reality. Whose fault is it? Why bother? All I can tell you is it remains unfulfilled.

Another one is my fancy for world travel. Israel, Australia, Thailand & Paris seem so close at times yet ever eluding. The big plans for visiting all fifty States as a family might never be fulfilled at the rate in which the kids are growing. It is not the funds that are limiting, though it is true at times; but the time in most cases and hence stays only a dream thus far.

My dream home in India is yet another that remains at large. Why would you spend so much money building a house in India while you live oceans apart is a valid question. But why not is my valid answer! Would it ever be fulfilled? Only time will tell.

Oh yes, my dream job at the Bronx Zoo (oops!) is still pending decisions, though I am hopeful.

But the fact that I have lain it all down at the altar this morning, makes me wonder if I could ever carry them back. By laying it down have I given up hope or surrendered for His will? Israel explains it is the latter while I fear it is the former which is why I am crying...


12 comments:

Punam said...

Dear Hephzibah, miracles happen when you surrender and the Mister is perfectly correct - for you wouldn't be crying if you had lost all hope - each and every wish of yours will be fulfilled and you will see it happen.
Just one thing - YOU have to make it happen, because God rests inside your soul as the guiding light.
Call for a family party on a jeans and white tee theme..! Make plans, stick to them..
Isn't it all ultimately God's push that makes us do things?
I am too tooo small to say much, but each time I have called Him, He has responded.. invariably and immediately. My tears hardly last for a day before He comes and hugs my soul.

KParthasarathi said...

Firstly I must tell that I loved this line "He paid a debt He did not owe; I owed a debt I could not pay..."It has impacted me greatly.

I agree with Israel when you lay all your dreams at the altar,it is left to His will.Knowing Him well, He will ensure all your dreams big and small including a photo in blue heans and white shirt would materialise not to miss out the position at Bronx zoo or the spacious mansion at your native place.Why not I say

anilkurup said...

Which ever good way you can be comfortable.

Bikramjit said...

TOTALLY with you 100% on a home back home in india YESSS why not , thats my home and totally agree I am trying y level best to have one for myself too back home.


But somehow I did not get what you meant lay all ur dreams at the alter, But GOD helps those who help themselves we need to work hard for our dreams .. maybe i have got the wrong end of the stick .. and yes a dream is just dream till we WORK on it ...

Well anyday is a good day to start on working on that dream..

Australia when you go let me know, My sister and mum are there , the doors will be open for you anytime you go ...

Take care and all the best
Bikram's

kavita said...

I echo Punam here. Trust and surrender !

....Petty Witter said...

A very thought provoking post, thanks for sharing this with this.

gigihawaii said...

You sound down today; I hope it will pass. I no longer seek happiness. All I want is to live in comfort and in peace. That is my goal right now. Comfort and peace.

R. Ramesh said...

kavi is right: Trust and surrender ! and u r such a wonderful person all will go well, am sure buddy:)

Sakha said...

surrender Queen. He will carry it all for you...If He can die for all of us why not carry such insignificant weight for your happiness. God Knows all, He sees all and He does all...

Love you lots my Queen Maa...

R.Ramakrishnan said...

There is nothing to be dejected about. It is just a quaint ancient custom I suppose. That doesn't mean you should not be living your dreams and make things happen !
Cheer up.

Rachna said...

At least you know your dreams, so some day you will make them come true!

http://rachnaparmar.com

Honest Abe said...

Dreams are wonderful. I am especially fond of those that I can wake up from, go to the bathroom, come back to bed, go to sleep and finish the dream.

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