Mar 5, 2010

Life in full throttle

What is life if full of care we don't have time to stand and stare? It used to be my favorite saying but I hadn't put that to practice much, I hadn't taken the time to "stand and stare"...

We landed in America exactly 23 days after our marriage and had to start everything from scratch. To make matters worse we didn't have a job, didn't have a place to stay, didn't have insurance and Rachel was on the way! It was an overwhelming start of course!! Finding a job, finding the next job, having the next child, finding the next job, buying our first home, starting a company, applying for Green Card, having the third child, so on -  life went on in FULL throttle - a roller coaster ride of course! There was hardly a moment to pause...

Back home my parents continued to encourage us, cheered us on which kept us sane... Many a days I missed home and wanted to return. I wanted to be back home not having to worry about the unfolding events of life, wanted to listen to Papa's sermons, wanted to just simply sit back and relax, to ponder over the joyful moments... But life kept us busy in the United States.

Finally, after five long years, we booked our tickets to visit India. I was so looking forward to being home, seeing all, showing off my kids, and spending time especially with my Papa. But alas, life took a different turn. Papa was taken into eternity few short months before our journey date. I was so shocked and shaken and devastated. Life lost its punch then, the world as I knew it was upside down, my hold - my rock - was no more!

There is no one truly holy like my Papa. He practiced what he taught - he invited the beggers to eat with him on his table, shared meals with the poor and needy. He chose to live simple, be honest and love neighbors. He is my role model. I have not come across anybody as humble and loving as my Papa. Nobody comes even closer to my Papa. He was the best and always will be!

Didn't think life would be possible without Papa. Didn't quiet like it when people said "Time will heal". Hated the people who didn't offer any consolation... When asked what I wanted to take back with me to US, I said, "My Papa". I had everything I had wished for - a home, a family, a job, green card - but nothing truly mattered anymore...

I would have felt better if life would have stood still then and there - but it moved on and I had to ride on ... There is a constant void nobody can fill. There is truly no one who would listen to my side of the story when it comes to dealing with difficult situations, no one to pray for me and to bless me as much as Papa did, no one to argue my case with anyone.

Over the years I have slowly learnt to take the solace in the Lord. I am sure He pleads my case with all. He is my rock and my strong hold, my ever present help. He fills me with love, joy and peace beyond my understanding. He assures me of life eternal with Him and Papa and Grandmas...  His words comfort me.

I can think of Papa and smile now. I cherish the moments spent with him, I enjoy the childhood we had with him. The hope of meeting him again keeps me strong...

These days I make an effort to "stand and stare"  as often as possible... Things can wait, but time won't. What matters at the very end is, how much time we spent with our loved ones. Only that counts! That's what I am after these days... To stand and stare...

"What is life if full of care, we don't have time to stand and stare!"

2 comments:

Black Walnut Pearl said...

Love it! Believe that your dad is always with you now and forever and he'll be.

A said...

Touching.

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