Influential Elders - My Papa

My Papa next to me in white during my wedding - Dec 1998

 Of all the people who have influenced me, Papa was my favorite! He was just the best. A unique make and model - My Papa! As I have said many times before, I have not seen anybody as nice as my Papa. True, we have had differences of opinions, but ultimately he has been always right.

Papa wore only white. Papa was very honest, never cheating anybody for anything. Very simple and straight forward. Loved to learn many languages. Loved to read and meditate Bible in his spare time. Mom always treated him very special. We too obliged. We gave him plenty of rest, not much work around the house, we just sat for hours together to listen to Papa discuss something from his life's experience or from his faith experience. He was our spiritual role model. He insisted we live a life based on what we learn from the Scriptures; if the Scripture says anger is sin, then shun from it, if the Scripture says Joy is a command, then live it out, etc.

Papa would invite beggars in to eat with him. Papa would also invite lepers in to the house and call us kids to introduce to them. Can you imagine that? When we shun from them, Papa would later insist why we shouldn't and that they too are honorable people and the disease won't spread to us, etc. There was no ups and downs in his scale as per people are concerned. Whether someone had great wealth or someone had nothing they were all the same for Papa. No differentials in terms of how he would treat them.

Papa had a simple life. No big aspirations to acquire much wealth, however God had blessed his hands to buy many properties around town. He was happy and contended with what he had. Papa had the finest job in Central Government of India. He was a Scientist in Marine Fisheries Department. Because of Amma's job we settled down in Tirunelveli while Papa traveled to places around. We would sometimes go and spend our summer break at Papa's quarters in Mandapam Camp. I truly enjoyed those days. Mandapam Camp was way different from Tirunelveli with sand everywhere and very hard water - which was desalinated water from the sea! Hardly any trees, only thorn like bushes. But we got plenty of fish and seafood from local vendors. We would often visit the local sea shore, walk for miles from one end to other. I remember we kids used to refuse to walk, but Papa would push us to. Now, I think I should have behaved better and enjoyed those walks with Papa.

Papa visited home only during weekends and holidays, but took most of his leave, including earned leave. I am so glad he did that otherwise we kids wouldn't have seen Papa around that much. Papa always bought us plenty of fruits. He would take me to the wholesale market with him and buy oranges, bananas, apples and the like in bulk. I used to love to paint all the time. Mostly I had water colors as that was what was available locally. But once Papa took me to the town and bought me plenty of painting supplies like so many colors, oil paints, brushes of different types, pencils with different shades, etc. It lasted a whole life time!

Whenever Papa came, he insisted in our family time together and we would sit out in the terrace or veranda and talk for hours, eating roasted peanuts or sugar cane or palm root or whatever was available at the given season. This too I truly enjoyed. When Mom's colleagues or someone passing by see us all out together they too would come and join. We kids would disperse to our own play while the adults enjoy the conversation, catching up on stories and events from both ends.

I was kind of a rebel when it came to certain discussions at home, though I can't recall much of what it was about. While Akka and Delight remained silent absorbing everything Papa said, I would argue back, cry and yell and what not?! May be I was possessed - or what else could explain that behavior?! Papa didn't mind it! He just prayed over me saying my pride should be rid of. For that also I would scream more and say I didn't have any pride - these were plain words with no apparent meaning or reasoning and all nonsense... I was just dumb or a BIG attention seeker. Both Mom & Papa handled my short comings very well. I am sure they prayed for me much because eventually I became normal. (I often wonder what I would do if one of my kids behave the same way.)

This was during school time. But once I went to college I got more polished and came to appreciate each moment spent with Papa. I guess Papa's prayers helped me calm down and helped me rid of my pride. I became so complacent, always accepting Papa's views and supporting his cause.

Papa was very proud of my accomplishments. He often told his friends he has never seen any child like me, because I always helped around the house, though we had maids. When I visited from college if the house was a mess, I would not rest until I put away everything in its place, in order. I would make the beds, arrange the book shelves, refold the cloths in the closets, sweep the rooms, clean the furniture and do many many more things before going to shower and change and then to rest. Papa admired that! They wouldn't have seen the house as I saw it. They are casual people you see, so if a tumbler is out of place on the TV stand instead of the kitchen sink, they were not bothered; but I was! For me, everything has it's place and it only belongs there. Only then I can relax. Papa loved that about me!

My aspirations were big, bigger than Papa's and Amma's. I had to get out of India, travel places, see people of different culture, etc. It was not even my dream; it was a must for me. Once when Papa was asking me why I wished to get out of India and why not be happy in India, I shared with him all that. I also told him what Mom & Papa could achieve with much hard work (like house, car etc) are all basic necessities for me and I couldn't think of a life where I started blank and only achieve my dreams closer to retirement. (I wouldn't have started blank because Papa gave me everything for my marriage: car, land, money etc.) Papa was surprised about my clear ideas and how strong I felt about certain things. Papa was then convinced! Papa understood my heart was not in these materials but that these are just my basic needs.  Since then Papa started supporting my aspirations.

Papa was such an influence in every single one who came in contact with him. He encouraged children to study. He would go and talk to parents if they didn't wish to send their girls up for higher education. Many got convinced and are better off with better education and remain thankful to Papa for his encouragement. Also, many children came to love Christ because of Papa's love for them and through his Sunday school ministries.

I could go on and on writing about my Papa as there are so many fond memories of my Papa and he was my only male role model! But I decide to stop here. I am richly blessed to have had my Papa as my Papa.

Influential Elders - Karinkal Pautima

My Other Grandma - Papa's Mom was originally from Kuthuthani village in Kanyakumari District and got married to Thatha from Karinkal, and lived there all her life. I have not seen Thatha as he passed away even before I was born; but Pautima lived a long healthy life till age 87 and was a huge influence in my life.

What mostly influenced me about Karinkal Pautima was her simplicity. If she was proud of one thing, that was her children. Both Mami (my Aunt) and Papa are simply the best according to her. Pautima would go on and on and on telling stories about Papa and Mami's childhood, how Pautima and Thatha gave so much importance to education and how they were able to raise them to get their Masters in respective fields and how they paid for their tuition etc.

Thatha had a government job in the court, all his earnings were spent on education only and nothing else. They didn't need anything else. They had a house, they had food coming in from their land. Fish was a daily dish. Chickens were home raised and on special occassions like when we are visiting, Pautima would cook one. Pautima wore simple cotton sarees and looked beautiful in them. She didn't go out much except to go visit her lands around where yuca and green beans would grow. She would step out to a relative's place to request them to buy fish for us when they went to market. Very rarely she traveled. Pautima's life was mostly spent within the confines of Papa's family village - Kannan vilai. It is a settlement if you will of children of one family. Thatha's father's brothers, their children, their children and now we are the 4th generation of children I am familiar with. A very small world.

When we visit during holidays, from where the bus stops we have to walk about two kilometers to where Pautima lived. We did that with hopping and running on the narrow paths winding down and climbing up through different family properties. People loved their land so much and so nobody came forward to share some of their property to make a common road. But now there is a road, I hear Pautima was a pioneer offering her land for road to come through and also for electricity poles. Sadly only after Pautima's time we have seen roads and electricity in that part of the country.

As we get closer and closer to Pautima's house, lot of kids who are our 2nd and 3rd generation cousins would accumulate around us and we will land in Pautima's house as one BIG battalion. When we got very close to Pautima's house we will be calling out for her 'PAAUTIMAAA...! PAUTIMAAAA...!' to announce our arrival as she would have no clue we are even coming that day. Pautima didn't hug or kiss like my other Pautima. She would greet you 'Pille!' meaning 'my child!'. Mom would share generous eatables she brought from home to all those kids who accompanied us on the way from different homes in the neighborhood. They would be so happy to receive the sweets and ask for more and more sometimes. Adults would also be there. Amma would be so kind and would have packed a lot of stuff just to give away.

It would be a while before they disperse to their home which is usually when the sun sets.I would be so shy shy to get mingled at first. It normally took me a day or two to assimilate with the country cousins as they admired my each movement. They would say my clothes were pretty and my shoes looked like the movie stars' and my hair was nice and long or something of that sort. All the while, I will be admiring their simple styles, care free living, and natural beauty!

Everyday of our stay they would arrive, as soon as the sun comes. They will ask me to come and play with them and would take me around places and show the different pieces of land and say they are ours, would pluck me mangoes, and make me eat it raw, same thing with baby tamarinds and cashew nut fruits. They would even take me to swim in the canal down the lanes. Both boys and girls would be there and there will be lot of jumping and splashing in the water. We would play under the huge tamarind tree that was common to all households or that's what it seemed like then. This was a really huge tree with no low lying branches. So no tree climbing invloved. A long while later we will retrieve to our homes to eat while they all disperse to feed their cows or clean their tamarinds or something like that.

It was a sight to see Pautima making jaggery. Her mud stove was on the floor, above which she had the shelf like thing where her 'akkani' vessels were kept. Akkani means 'payini' or 'palm juice'. Pautima made jaggery from scratch out of the palm juice from our own palm trees. Some people who climp the trees would collect the juice in a container and bring it to Pautima who then cooks the juice to certain consistency and makes jaggery out of it by pouring it in coconut shells like metal bowls. These bowls has a whole in it which she would cover with a leaf from the jack fruit tree. Then she sets the bowls to harden the jaggery. The funnest part is when she gives us all a spoonful of the liquid jaggery on a jack fruit leaf or palm leaf to taste. She would use the shell of mussles as her spoon. For fueling her mud stove, she would use dry leaves and twigs from palm, coconut, mango and jack fruit trees around. For us kids who grew up in the town, her simple ways was such fun to watch.

Pautima's regular cooking was also fun to watch. Pautima kept her salt in a coconut shell. She would use another coconut shell to beat an egg, for beater she would use a twig or her knife itself. First she cooks the rice in a mud pot, sets the water to drain, next she will get up and go to the big 'ammi' grinding stone and grind coconut, red chillie, a piece of turmeric and some tamarind and jeera - she will add each one by one and make a big ball of masala. She would wash the grinding stone very carefully and collect that water in a coconut shell for later use. Then she walks back to the kitchen 'kusini' as she calls it and sits on her usual place in front of the stove, puts another pot on the stove, pours little bit oil from a vintage looking glass bottle, seasons one or two pearl onions, and adds her masala, adds some fish which is already washed and kept aside, and before you know it the beautiful mouth watering fish curry will be ready. To treat us extra special she would make 'marakkari' meaning vegetable dish, like avial and then often made us a nice omlette. That's when the beating of the eggs in a coconut shell comes in. It would be a freshly emptied shell so scrapes of coconut also got mixed with the egg and her slow hands will soon produce the best tasting omlette in the whole wide world!

As we sit around her on the floor and door steps and back yard watching her cook, Papa and Amma would also be around. Suddenly the conversation topic would get focused on Papa. We would start listing complaints about Papa. Pautima was the only person Papa was still afraid of. So, whatever we would think as complaints such as, 'Papa wakes us up so early in the morning for prayer' or something in those lines, we would start telling her. It was very interesting to hear Pautima saying something to Papa to support us, she would mostly bring in old stories of similar incident as Papa was growing up.

As I got bigger I would travel alone to Grandma's house. I would stop by at the best bakery in Tirunelveli - Arasan - and buy plenty of butter biscuits and mint candies and the like for Grandma and take it with me. For distribution among friends and cousins Mom would send murukkus through me. Those times I would sit and talk to Grandma for hours and hours and mostly I will leave the same day. Many times Pautima has requested me to stay back but I would have to rush back to catch my bus or train to Bangalore, Trichy or Chennai wherever I was studying at that time. Though one day visits seems too short now, I would have spent every single minute with Grandma, talking to her, listening to her repeated stories or discussing something from Bible. Those were moments well spent.

When I returned Pautima will walk with me all those 2 kilo meters to the bus stop and usually will find someone to carry a jack fruit and a bag of mangoes or a bunch of red banana or plantains for me to take home. As the bus moves I will be so sad to think if I will see Grandma again, if she will reach home safely, and so many if's. I used to be afraid of snakes and other insects that could be hiding under the leaves she used for cooking fuel. I have never seen a snake but I would worry like that. Then I would beg and plead with God that He should allow me one more chance to go see Grandma again. BIG SIGH....

Pautima was there for my engagement and wedding. When she saw Israel she said, 'He is dark but handsome'. Pautima soon moved to live with my Aunt in Kuzhithurai not far away from her village. She did not like Tirunelveli much as she would call it 'Pondy' and would find it hotter climate wise. She used to write to me letters through my cousins asking me to return to India and why I should remain in some far off land.

Sadly I did not return to see her off at least once after marriage. Life kept me busy in these United States, with children, jobs, green card etc.Now I have everything I had dreamt about as a child. But don't have my Pautima and Papa to enjoy it with. But guess what, they are in a better place, resting. Looking forward to the blessed hope of my truest wish to come true - to meet them again. The Scripture promises:

"For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words." 1 Thessalonians 4:16-18

I am forever grateful to my Karinkal Pautima who taught me so much of life's valuable lessons. Whose life was a testimony to others. At her funeral one of the family members (Papa's cousin) shared how she came to understand the love of Christ through my Pautima. Her slow paced life feels like a dream. Hard to believe life moves on with or without her; but never the same as with her. I am sure Eternity has much more fun in store for us together and guess what there will be no separation after that!

Influential Elders - My Grandparents

My Pautima (Grandma) and Thatha (Grandpa) were very influential in many lives including mine. Thatha passed away at age 60. I was only in third grade and Delight wasn't even born, so my memories of Thatha are from distant past. Pautima lived till age 81 but we were not ready to let her go!

Pautima and Thatha were both very influential people. Partly because Thatha was a well known Pastor (Pastor. Paul Perinbam) and had lot of connections in India and abroad. Pautima was a prayer warrior and had a great heart to help many. Prior to getting into ministries Thatha was working in Ceylon. When my Mom was about 5 years old Thatha decided to wind up everything in Ceylon and came back to India to settle down with his family.

They started the Children’s Home Ministry in Kudankulam through which they educated many children who were less fortunate. They helped a lot of children from the family too like their nieces and nephews. Many of them are now well off and settled in all corners of India and abroad and always remain grateful to my Grandparents next to God Almighty. Thatha also established the Indian Pentecostal Church of God in Kudankulam and ministered there till the end. Thatha and Pautima had huge influence in many lives by living a good example too.

My memories of Thatha are limited but here is a few that is still fresh in my mind:
* Whenever Pautima/Thatha visited us Thatha would bring 'paul kova' (milk sweet) for us.
* When we visited them as we get ready to leave, Thatha/Pautima would walk up to the bus stop and then Thatha would slowly take a big Cadbury Chocolate from his pocket and give us all one piece from it.
* Next he would open his wallet and take out brand new notes and give us all one each.(the denomination I don't recall now)
* Pautima took good care of Thatha by keeping his diet requirements. I would help peal the roasted garlic for Thatha. When I take it to him he would say, "Thank you! God bless you very much my child". I loved to get his blessings, so I would not fail to take the garlic to him every single day of our stay with them.
* Pautima would maintain absolute silence when Thatha took his nap. We children would talk hush hush when Thatha was sleeping.
* Thatha mostly remained in his room or in his easy chair in the hall. Mom would be sitting wherever Thatha was and talking to him for hours and hours.
* Thatha would dictate letters to my Mom which she would promptly write down.
* Once when Thatha was taking a shower near the well, I was sitting on the tamarind tree by the side and seeing Thatha all covered in soap foam I commented he looked like a monkey. This became a huge issue and Pautima kept telling me I shouldn't have said that. But thatha kidded her saying, "leave the little one alone..." ("ada po pa, chinna pillaya pottu, cha... cha...")
* Thatha always bought me the wooden toy cutlery set that came in a box made of palm tree leaf. (not sure if we can get those now...)

Pautima was very affectionate. I would write letters to Pautima every week; she would prompty respond. Sometimes she would hand me a bunch of post cards in advance so that I will not run out of the supply to write to her. When she visits us, we would beg and plead to make her stay longer. We kids would hide her handbag or sandals somewhere so that she would still be home when we returned from school. This annoyed Pautima sometimes but mostly she would give in and stay a few more days. Sometimes it was my Mom who would give her a hard time not to leave. Mom would start crying and then Pautima would stay for that day. Pautima insisted on family prayer every morning and night. Her prayers would be very long as she starts praying for every single one in her memory list and we kids would doze off before the prayer actually ended.

Once when Pautima became ill we couldn't find a driver to take us to Kudankulam. So with all my cousins loaded into the car, I drove 80 kilometers to see Pautima. When Pautima saw us all she immediately felt better and sat up. When Mom told her it was me who drove, Pautima kissed my hands and said, "God has blessed my child with so much wisdom".

I often helped my Aunt with the dishes whenever we visited them during holidays. Once there were loads and loads of dishes and I cleaned them all. As I was wrapping up, Pautima kissed me on the forehead and said, "God bless you very much Makkale (child). He sees your humble heart". I took her words to heart (no, not to head) and was so pleased that God sees my heart.

I felt cheated when Pautima passed away. She was 81 but why would I care? I wanted her to stay alive forever. Mom didn't tell the news to me while she requested my friend to travel with me from hostel. When I got home I was inconsolable. I was so angry with Pautima for not telling me good bye. But to tell you the truth, I was just in denial. Over many years Pautima was prepared and had prepared us too. She had her clothes ready, her scarf ready and was all set to go any moment. But I couldn't take it that she really meant it. I had expected she would say 'bye' before leaving. I didn't know death came so suddenly and unexpected and that people don't normally say 'bye'. I was doing my Masters then but didn't know many things like that.

When everything was over and it was time to build Pautima's headstone, Mom was worried as to how and where we could find a similar one like that of Thatha's. Then I told Mom there was one in the back room under the bed that Pautima had shown me once. It was exactly like Thatha's. Turns out Pautima had only entrusted me with that info; no one else in the family knew of that.

If my Pautima and Thatha had had a chance to actually say 'good bye' this would have been the Scripture verse they would have likely shared:

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7,8

I am truly blessed to have had them both as my Grandparents! Many have told me I take after my Pautima. I would like it to be true because my Pautima was a woman of noble character. Her genuine love and wisdom is hard to come by. I wish to be at least a trace of what she was to many. In life eternal as we are reunited with our loved ones in the Lord, I am sure my Pautima's crown will be the most beautiful as she excelled in her race!

Influential Elders - Friends from Sarah Tucker College

Sarah Tucker College plays a remarkable role in my childhood memories. Though it is not my alma matter I have special affinity towards it. Mom was a professor & Head of the Department of Mathematics for over 30 years there!

STC is a beautiful campus, okay to be honest not as beautiful as some other colleges I am familiar with. But the people are beautiful. They are so loving and caring and God fearing that you feel safe within the confines of the campus.

I would often visit the college as a child and also as a young adult whenever I was on break from school / college. Mostly I would go there to meet all of Mom's friends who are all my favorites too. Mom was(is) much loved by her colleague which has created a unique bonding between us (the children) and them too. We consider them as part of our  family. No family function is complete without their presence. No vacation is a real vacation without visiting them.

The canteen is my favorite place in the campus (of course :) ) When Mom and friends walked slowly with their umbrellas to shade them from the scorchy sun, we children would run to the canteen to pick up our choice favorites. Mine was the coconut bun they had, the egg puffs and Mazza. Even before Amma and friends reached there we would have finished a round or two...

Next favorite place in the college campus is the library. As a child I was amazed at the walls and wall of books kept intact. Mom would take me there and suggest plenty of reading material, both in English and Tamil. I loved it! Summer vacations without those reading material would have been such a bore.

Subulakshmi Aunty (Mrs. Subulakshmi Rajan), Vasantha Aunty (Mrs. Vasantha Sreenikumar), Cynthia Aunty (Mrs. Cynthia Paul), Vijaya Aunty (Mrs. Vijaya Israel), Hephzibah Aunty (Mrs. Hephzibah Jeyakumar), Joysornabai Aunty, Joybell Aunty, Hanna Aunty (Mrs. Hannah Stephen), Rosalee Aunty (Mrs. Rosalee Paul), Lionel Aunty (Mrs. Esther Rajam Lionel), Jasmin Aunty (Mrs. Jasmin Madhialagan) are all my favorites!

When I got married Esther Rajam Aunty made my hair, Hanna Aunty was a constant support to Mom, everyone of them were there. Subulakshmi Aunty commented to Israel that I am their first daughter to be married off, which shows how much she and others loved me. Rosalee Aunty cheers us all with her presence, Cynthia Aunty's special bonding with us is remarkable. Vijaya Aunty is the one who gave us Ashy - our first dog.

When Papa passed away so suddenly, all these wonderful people came together with their spouses immediately and took care of many matters big and small. My Aunt was surprised and said even in villages people don't come together like this for days at a stretch and definitely not for nights. My heartfelt thank you to everyone who was there to wave final good bye to my Papa and lend us your shoulders in time of our great sorrow. Your love for us is definitely irreplaceable and very much appreciated.

Mom is retired now and so are some of her colleagues. But their love remains constant through thick and thin. The affection continues even beyond the boundaries of the college campus. I miss Sarah Tucker College as it has been a while since I last visited. It kind of feels empty when so many familiar faces I am so used to are all retired now. But for those who remain, I promise to visit with my children on our next trip to India. I will show them the swing sets, the canteen, the library and all you beautiful people who made my childhood so special & memorable. Thank you!

Influential Elders - Ms.Annathai

Here's my Mom Mrs. Yohapushpam Livingston sharing about her childhood friend Ms.Annathai, as part of our ongoing series: Influential Elders.

Annathai Akka

Annathai Akka is about 10 years older than me and her love towards me is unconditional. She was a neighbour to my grandparents and when my mother came there as the daughter in law of the house an instant friendship was established between the little girl and my mother who might have been about 20 years elder. This relationship lasted for more than 50 years till my mother passed away and continues with me and my children. She is now around 75 years old.

Though not related, she called my mother athai and my father maama......aunt and uncle. She had told me how my mother used to bundle up the baby me and hand over to her and how she used to take me to the nearby convent to pluck flowers for me etc etc. She used to enjoy my baby talks it seems and one particular incident she narrated made me smile. My grandfather used to grind beetle leaves in a small stone and it seems I used to go and sit near him watching him closely. It seems he would tease the little me saying "Isn't your husband a bad boy?" (kalla paya pendatti), and I would respond, "No Grandpa, he is a good boy!" (kalla paya pendatti illai thaatha, nalla paya pendatti). I am really happy to know that I have defended my husband even at my early age. This incident I know only because of Annathai Akka.

While growing up, she used to comb and clean my hair and while doing this job, I will insist that she should tell me stories. She told me cinema stories which she had seen. In those days we did not have any cinema theatres in our village and she had seen a few when she had the tailoring training in a nearby city and she will narrate all these stories to me. She often came to our house to sleep over and helped my mother in many ways. Both of them will sit together to design and stitch our dresses all the time sharing some stories.

She came with us to pluck the ripe tamarinds from the trees. We will climb up the trees through the lower branches of the trees and we will jump on these branches making the tamarinds to fall. In spite of her tailoring job she used to spend most of the time with us. In my childhood Annathai Akka was a central figure. My future plans at that time included her. When my mother became very ill when we were young, she took care of us and my mother and in appreciation of this help, I remember my parents presenting her a saree . She was a great support to my mother always. When my mother died at the age of 81, Annathai akka was there to give the final bath and dressing.

She had a uniquely designed pair of ear studs which I liked. In her twenties or so, she joined our Christian religious group in which people do not wear jewels. She was good looking and she was a tailor by profession and so many marriage proposals came for her. But she refused them for some reason or other. May be she waited for a better person. She remains single. Now, when I think of it, I wonder why my parents did not compel her to marry someone of their choice since they had much influence over her.

After I got married, whenever I went to my parents house there will be an invariable visit to see Annathai akka to taste her simple village food. She is a prayer warrior and her prayers for me and my children support us much. Once I was sick for a few days and my mother came to see me with Annathai akka and I was very happy to taste the food prepared by her. For a few months my husband arranged for a fasting prayer in our house, on second Saturdays. Annathai akka travelled about 150 km to support my husband in these meetings. She will arrive early morning with another sister and immediately start cleaning the house and the campus to keep it ready for the meeting.

Even now I sometimes long for her company and feel like going over to spend a few days with her. Recently she came and stayed with me for 3 days; but she was in a hurry to go back to water her plants. Her love for my mother, me, my children is unconditional. It is our duty to pass on this love to others with whom we come into contact.

Influential Elders - Kumaresan Driver

The series 'Influential Elders' continues... but this time the person is not really an elder. He must be same age as me or few years younger, but I admit he is one of the people who have influenced me.

Kumaresan Driver

When I landed from America for the first time in 5 years since marriage, I got introduced to Kumaresan our new driver. Okay, he wasn't really new, he was helping Mom out for few years, but to me he was new. I hadn't seen him before I left for America.I guess he was in some big city for few years before he retreated to his home town for a living.

In the few short weeks we spent in India, I got lot of updates on Kumaresan Driver as to how he had helped Papa in many ways and in turn Mom too. In fact even on Papa's last trip to and from the hospital, Kumaresan Driver was all along, never leaving sight, I heard. Since then I developed a special kind of affinity towards Kumaresan Driver. Though he calls me 'Akka' I would like to call him 'Annan' as he is very much like an elder brother in the family.

All matters big and small that needs running around, we need Kumaresan driver for. Not just driving, he helps us with everything that a household runs on. Okay, not the simple stuff like grocery shopping but major shopping like real estate. Yes, he is our representative in local government offices, paying taxes, why not even our signatory at the land exchange office. He takes care of a lot of things before we show up to sign the papers.

The rarest quality among human, which is honesty, is found in abundance in Kumaresan Driver. He will never charge you more than what he needs to pay at these different offices. He charges only the right amount for his driving services. He keeps an account of his services and if we pay him extra, he will discuss and return it.

He is warmly welcome in all places he travels with us. In-laws and extended family also treat him as one of our own. I was surprised recently when I visited places without him, (as he was not available due to his Mom's passing away), many inquired of him. It shows how much he is valued and associated with us.

I have to share with you an incident that happened once; not sure if I even told Mom about this. Once when we visited my in-law's place, I had an argument with Israel for something or other and was returning to Mom's place alone to attend a lunch get together at my friend's place; kids were already at Mom's I guess. Israel refused to join me.

As the car left Israel's home, I started crying and crying and when I paused for a minute to yawn or something, Kumaresan Driver inquired what happened. He listened to the whole story as I narrated it to him. In the end with a big sigh he said, "Sir is very good Akka! He will have to behave certain way in front of his people otherwise it is only bad name for you. So please don't cry". With that my tears stopped for the rest of the way and I could instantly forgive Israel. I don't think any other words would have comforted me that very moment. Not only then, many times after that also these words helped me smooth out the differences.

Anytime we land in India or leave for America, the first & last familiar face we see is that of Kumaresan Driver as he manages to come all the way in front of the crowd waving cheerfully at us. He would have given up sleep to drive us around places, would have missed meals trying to keep up with our schedule, still he showed no remorse of any kind. Willingly he will help with the luggage, stop for tender coconuts, quickly run and get the basket or something our children get attracted to in the road side shop, little little things but which comes from a very big heart!

Kumaresan Driver is happily married and has two precious daughters. I wish and pray only the best for him & his. Once again, here's someone whose affinity to our family is priceless...

P.S.: So, what's stopping you guys from sharing about your Influential Elders? Trust me, you will feel so good once you write! Email me your posts at nrigirl@hotmail.com if you would like for me to publish it here as part of the ongoing series... Thank you!

Influential Elders - Reena Amma

Glad to be part of the series Influential Elders. I have quite a few who have influenced me one way or another and would love to share about them all one by one… Here’s introducing the first in my list - Reena Amma!

Reena Amma

Reena Amma was our neighbor when we moved to our new parental home. I remember I was in third grade then. Reena Amma became an instant friend of the family. The earliest memories of Reena Amma is when she used to buy jasmine flowers and pin it to our hair - for both myself and my sister.

A year or two later when Delightson was born, Reena Amma quickly mixed some sugar in water and gave us all a spoonful saying, 'You have got a baby brother!' Over the years we came to depend on Reena Amma for very many things.

Tooth is wiggly? Go to Reena Amma!
Thorn in the foot? Call Reena Amma!
Scraped the knee? Call Reena Amma!
Fever? Remedies by Reena Amma!
Sugar is over? Borrow from Reena Amma!
Change for Rs.100? Reena Amma!
Quickly borrow some cash? Reena Amma!
Feed Snowy while we are away? Reena Amma!
Cut a jack fruit? Take a piece to Reena Amma!
Grandma brought murukkus? Share with Reena Amma!
Madhan got low grades? Rescue him from Reena Amma! :)
New clothes? Show it to Reena Amma!
... & many many more

As I said, Reena Amma was our immediate solution for many things big and small. She was our instant banker, doctor, advisor all combined into one. Reena Amma would frequently make some sweets and bring it over. Cooked something nice? She would be sure to share with us.

Above all! When Papa suddenly departed us, it was Reena Amma, Appa and children who rushed to help. Madhan, Deepan, Vincy, Vinodh they were of huge help from showering to shaving to all other arrangements. Night and day they were there till we arrived and all else took place. I am forever grateful for their love for us, their constant availability to our beck and call and their willingness to hold us dear. We can never pay back for everything they have done.

It has been few years now since I last saw Reena Amma. They built a new home and moved away, and whenever I visit from USA, she is out of town, for whatever reason we haven't met in a very long time. With the frequently changing cell phone numbers it is hard to get hold of her on the phone too.

But to tell you the truth I often remember her love for us. We too love them much and wish them the best. I am sure she has no doubt about it - our Reena Amma, sorry Deepan Amma!

P.S: Last statement was modified to fit in Deepan's request in the comment section below... Deepan must be happy now :))

Influential Elders - Dave Uncle

Influential Elders! That is the next big series I am hoping to get started. You would all agree, a lot of people have influenced us since our childhood. The teachers we looked up to, the grandparents who loved us best, our parents who gave their all, the Uncle who meant so much, the neighbor who was always there... the list goes on.

Let's take a moment to reminisce on what some of them really did to us, how we are a better person because of these individuals, what lessons we learnt from them, what we would have lacked if not for them, etc.

Hope you will all join me in sharing about your influential elders. This will help us become influential too... The email address to send your post is nrigirl@hotmail.com. The posts will be published on a first come first served basis.

Here's presenting the first post in this series by Annan Jebarathinam Alexander. Jeba Annan is our family friend - son of my Mom's best friend - Mrs. Grace Alexander Aunty. I can surely say Mrs. Grace Alexander Aunty was quite influential in my life. Mom would send things for Aunty through me when I was on summer breaks from school/college. When I stand my bicycle at 'Muthamizh' - the residence of Mrs. Grace Alexander Aunty, she would welcome me with a broad smile, her hair long & let lose, her tone all cheerful as if she was long expecting me to visit her.

She would walk me around her garden, pluck me some jasmines, share with me how her health was fading or something in general though I don't recall what else we spoke about. Overall she would treat me very special as if I am a grownup - equal in stature to her. Aunty would not send me back empty handed but will find something like curry leaves or drum sticks from her garden to take back for Mom.

Aunty loved Mom and Mom loved Aunty. They shared great respect for each other, calling each other by proper names with qualifiers such as Mrs. Yohapushpam Livingston & Mrs. Grace Alexander. Even during their conversations it didn't seem to bother them to use these long names to address each other. If Papa was home he too would join their conversation. Oh! how I loved to watch them talk for hours - but then Aunty would politely send me away to do my home work or chores and when I don't get her hint, she would insist lovingly, "It is not good manners for little girls to listen to big people's conversation"."But I love to hear you talk Aunty" would be my unspoken response as I reluctantly walk away...

Later Aunty became very sick and passed away shortly after. I could sense a great part of my Mom was gone with her. Hard to believe it has been twenty years since then, but Aunty is still much loved and often remembered. I am grateful to Aunty for what she was to my Mom - a great friend!

Now, if you can kindly excuse my long intro... let's get back to our first post in the series of Influential Elders. Please welcome Jebarathinam Annan as he comes here to share from his heart about his influential elder!

Dave Uncle

I remember, in my late teens, when I went to stay with my mother during summer vacations (in early 80's), there was an Uncle (must have been 85+ years old) living next door. His wife Kiruba aunty called him as "Dave uncle" to me. He had lost his eye sight due to his old age, was able to hardly walk and so would sit in his own easy-chair close to the corner window of their living room (adjacent to our house). He would use a walking stick and take baby steps to go to the bathroom in say, 5 minutes, whenever he needed to go. Every early morning, if I am awake, I will be able to hear him listening to FEBA radio station (loudly) listening to Christian devotional programs - at 4.45 AM in the morning!

One day, my mother asked me to go give some eatable to Kiruba aunty. And I had the first golden opportunity to get acquainted with Dave uncle. Turned out that he became one of the most memorable persons of my life. The kind of stories he had to share, the gentle and kind words he had to say, boy, I wonder if we see such personalities anymore in our lives. I hardly am able to remember his face now - he had a very black thickened skin on both his cheeks. I could not stare at his eyes as he was not able to see anything straight, it would just simply wander like a rabbit all the time.

Dave uncle would go on talking for hours together about his youth days where he had gone out to hunting with his cousins in Kalakkad hills (the wild life sanctuary had been established years later); where he would hunt 'Maan', 'MiLa', 'Kaatu kozhi' among other animals. I would sit and listen in awe wondering how he is able to remember all those meticulous details, to the dot.

Kiruba aunty was also a remarkable person I believe. She was a bit plump, and had this distinct leucoderma white lips and big white patches on her cheeks and forehead. And an unbelievable graceful smile on her face all the time, as if "all is well", even when she would be doing tons and tons of chores to take care of Dave uncle day-in, day-out.

Unfortunately, my summer vacations were too distracted and my encounters with Dave uncle were sort of limited. In a couple years, my mother moved out building her own house (she had been renting a house next to Dave uncle's house). The next year I went to Tirunelveli, I heard Dave uncle had passed away and that Kiruba aunty lives all alone by herself. I went and saw her once, I could not stand watching her going through such a life without Dave uncle, so I didn't go see her afterwards. But I would see her at church or walking to the stores near her house. She would stop and enquire as to how things were, amid her all is well smiles.

That last time I met her, Kiruba aunty said that Dave uncle would "wait for Jeba" to come home on vacations so he would be able to "talk to someone". Little had I realized until then, that I had been a rare source of encouragement for Dave uncle during those "visits". From that day onwards, whenever I heard FEBA radio, that thick skinned face would flash across my mind, and I would hear that soft, gentle voice I loved hearing, for at least sometime in my life...