Jan 22, 2012

Beware the "Parasites"!

When in school someone sent me anonymous notes, like "You would be my goddess if my heart were a temple" or "I am your big fan" or "I admire you" etc. Being in an all girls school I considered it silly and ignored it for sometime and then I thought this was getting serious. So I asked to meet.

It turns out she was a girl from my junior class, her name was Sudha. I told her I appreciated her fondness for me and that I would love to be good friends with her. She was delighted by my acceptance of her that she fit quite well in my circle of friends and we had a great time together. True her "love notes" stopped then.

My friend's sister around that age was on hunger strike since actor Amir Khan had got married. Israel admits he and his friends were so hurt over actress Sridevi's love affair with someone, they skipped a meal or two; someone even grew a beard.

Silly as it may sound these kind of infatuations could become serious problems if neglected. These "friendships" are unhealthy in the first place and could lead to disasters if left untreated. It could even become fatal in extreme cases. How sad is that! Hard to believe such attacks coming from folks of same gender.

Shockingly a growing reason for failed marriages is friendship between same gender. It starts innocently as a friend, and soon the husband and wife spend less and less time together and this "friend" consumes more of their time (either the husband's or the wife's) which ultimately leads to destruction.

Now the question is how to overcome such 'parasites' if you will. Here are few tips we learnt in a marriage class:

1. Invest in each other. Every kind gesture is a "credit" and every unkind one is a "debit"; the idea is to keep a positive balance in your Love Bank.
2. If you don't invest in your husband or wife, someone else will and it may be harder to win her/him back.
3. Watch out for these parasites in your life and stay clear of unwanted, unhealthy friendships.
4. Play together.

Enjoying recreational activities together is a great way for couples to bond better. If he is into fishing and you are into knitting, why not knit by his fishing pond? What if you enjoy the outdoors and he is a home body? Great chance to set out a picnic in your own back yard! Where there is a will, there is a way!

Now, few tips for the "parasites" themselves:

1. Be true to yourself. No, your life is NOT dependent on this one person.
2. Develop healthy attitude in life. Exercise your body, mind and soul.
3. Read. The pages can take you places. The chances are you will meet new people out there.
4. Replace your bad habits with good.
5. Pray! Trust me it works.

We get only one chance at life. Let's stop (being) such parasites from (by) making it miserable.

Note to my friend: Hang in there! This too shall pass!


Amrit said...

Great tips for both parties. Personally I don't know any parasites...lucky me...

Rachna said...

I know the kind you are talking about. I've seen one or two such type especially among women. Good tips!

kavita said...

Great tips !

Punam said...

Hi NRIGirl, that was sound advise. Liked the statement about 'investing'.. true if u don't invest in ur partner, someone else will.

anilkurup said...

My take, Parasites remain as such. They cannot live off their own can they. They wither if the host is not around.
As for the infatuation , you mentioned,it is in fact mad infatuation. Infatuation as such is foolish and flippant , but when it is triggered into madness then it scalps lives..
Good tips NRI

KParthasarathi said...

Nice post.One should set clear boundaries how far can friendship go.Nothing should be done to upset the rhythm of one's life in the family.

Bikramjit said...

oh yes and note from me too.. this shall pass indeed..

I cant understand what makes someone so much dependent on someone .. although i have learnt a few lessons in my life too ..


adithyasaravana said...

wow.. nice. ya..why not? knit while fishing?
read in the hall where there is a tv.
I will pass on the message to meena too..
She feels i have less time for her after running around and I don't watch tv with her.
btw, I was out of station ( only me :(..) conducting exams and correcting papers in the evening and no access to blogs.
how was stay in India? sari sari.. blog pathi ezhuthaama chumma kathai adikkiren.

sm said...

nice tips
credit debit like it

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