Direct Deposits

Note: This is a continuation of my earlier post Love Bank

I suppose you have been busy making deposits in your Love Banks. Just one thing to keep in mind: Be careful not to deposit in the wrong accounts. Would we do it with money? NO! We double & triple check to make sure the deposits go into our specific accounts.

Similar if not more care to be taken when it comes to love banks too - especially in our marriage. As I said, our emotions are directed towards people making more deposits in our love banks. If you think a little deeper, you can comprehend where I am arriving at.

I am not saying that for each act we have to compete with someone to make sure our deposit is bigger. All I am trying to say is to be a good friend first; the best if you can.

Let's start out easy, not holding grudges, smiling more often, and being generous with compliments. Sharing with him/her on everything possible, sending in a little love note along with the lunch, making it clear to him/her that he/she is more important to us than anybody else in the world including our kids or parents... etc.

Day to day errands could easily overwhelm any marriage. It takes effort to consciously set aside time for just the two of you. How about praying together/playing together/reading together? The more time you spend together, the better for your banking; trust me, it would be automatic deposits in no time.

Our Pastor always says, "Watching a movie does not count towards spending quality time". I definitely agree with him on that as our attention is not on each other, it is on the screen. We heard in his marriage class once that it takes a minimum of six touches each day to grow stronger in marriage.

Hugging, patting, holding hands, all counts towards that. Funny part is when we remember this, we will quickly touch each other six times counting "one, two, three...& six" and claim we are covered for the day.

You get my point, there is nothing like spending time together with your spouse even if it is for some coffee... If there is real trouble brewing, I am so sorry to hear that. Hold on to the divine love; your returns will be greater!

"Enjoy life with your wife (husband), whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun." ~ Holy Bible

Love Bank

Are you rich? I mean do you have a nice bank balance? In the Love Bank that is.

The theory is that for each person we come in contact with, we keep a love bank the unit of transaction being "good or positive feelings". When people do something nice we "credit" their accounts with a deposit of positive feelings and when they do something bad we "debit" from their accounts.

Have you made enough deposits in your love banks lately? Or are you making mostly withdrawals? As long as negatives do not outweigh the positives, the relationship is secure. Once it goes the other way, things get not so pleasant. Appreciation, compliments, nice gestures grow your balance whereas nitpicking, complaints, not caring etc diminish your bank balance. Depending on how much balance is in someones account, you feel more fond of them than others.

In a marriage too, this concept plays a role. Without much efforts some people can go on making deposits while others could go one making withdrawals. You know what happens when the withdrawals become more than the deposits, the bank balance goes in negative shutting down access completely.

Simple acts of kindness such as ordering in dinner, helping with chores, surprising with a backyard picnic, buying a favorite something when it is not expected, even opening up the windows to let cool fresh breeze come in, can all easily accumulate your balance.

Putting one down in front of friends/family, being disrespectful, hurtful words & gestures, always demanding to be served, ignoring tears, not spending enough time, getting affixed to TV/computer/you-name-it, would easily drain your balance.

Once it goes in negative, when the bank shuts down, it is very difficult to fix things right. I would say the fragile of all is the human heart. Once ones dreams are shattered and he/she starts withdrawing from things/people it is at a loss for long.

The busyness of life do not always help us focus on people most dear to us. It is important to make an effort to pause every now and then to tally our accounts making sure we have a positive balance in our love banks. Last night I made an extravagent dinner, with many dishes, fresh sambar, rice, appalam, fried fish etc. It was not any special event, I was just making a HUGE deposit in my spouse's account.

Now that we all have a nice long weekend to look forward to, let us not forget to make some deposits on the way in some of the important accounts especially that of our spouses and kids...

Happy Banking all! Enjoy the sunshine... Please click here for the follow up post: Love Bank - Direct Deposit